Happy Friday!
I don't have a lot to say today and that's probably a good thing because my last blog was rather lengthy. I just wanted to say that I'm tired of being so down in the dumps all the time. I don't know what has come over me recently but I have lost touch with happy go lucky Laura.
I guess it's just a weird time in my life and I should stop trying so hard to find answers. There's a plan for everyone and mine will make itself known when I least expect it. Yes, I'm unhappy with my job and current situation in life but that doesn't me that I have to be unhappy. It is possible to be happily lost. When you're lost you can find paths that you never knew existed...right? It's weird but writing that statement really made me feel better.
Sorry I'm not making much sense this morning. I basically wanted to let my blog readers..er...I mean reader ;) know that I will be ok. It's ok for me to be alone right now because I really need to figure out who I am and what I want from life. Life isn't nearly as dramatic as I make it out to be. What can I say, I'm an actress and we thrive on drama
Have a fantastic weekend peaches!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Alone and yet Alive
I'm a little blue today sweet cheeks,
It's a Tuesday and I am back in the boundaries of my retail prison. I had a few days off and it was nice to step away from the store and try to regain my sanity. I will let you know when/if that ever happens...
For reasons unknown to me, my hours have been cut. I worked a whopping 20 hrs last week and this week I am scheduled for the same. I guess it was some sort of scheduling error but I'm supposed to be working full time. 20 hours a week sure sounds like part time to me. This, on top of a multitude of other things, has been adding to my frustration with my current situation in life. The "savings" that I have been working hard to maintain is starting to bite the dust because of my new part time position. I'm glad I had something saved because I would be really broke right now if I hadn't. things will be tight but I'm sure I'll make it through the next few weeks.
My boss still continues to irritate me. I was planning a nice trip home on Feb 6-8 but because of her irresponsibility I now have to cut that visit short. She "can't work those hours because she's so busy with other things". What those "other things" are I will never know. I have already informed my co workers that if I don't find a job before hand my last day here will be on April 23. At that time I will be packing up my things and heading back to the borg to, hopefully, find my path once again.
I have managed to think myself into a depression within the last few days. I keep coming up with future plans but I never follow through with them. I'm trying to decide if grad school is the best idea for me. But, what else is there? My degree isn't very useful. One of my biggest fears is that I will just continue hopping from miserable job to miserable job and never be happy with life again. Last year I thought I had all the answers..it's funny to think about that now.
My head is so full of thoughts and concerns that I haven't been able to sleep recently. I stare at my clock until 3 or 4 am and pray that sleep will come. I am a zombie by the time 8 am rolls around but I have to get out of bed anyway. This is no way to live life. I realized yesterday as I was drinking a cup of coffee at my favorite local coffee shop that I spend way too much time by myself. When I am at work, I am alone. When I have days off, I am alone even when have a free evening, I am still alone. When I'm alone all I do is think about what I should be doing with my life or how I should be handling issues that have been brought before me. I think about these things so much that I don't have room for happy thoughts anymore. I really don't like that. As I sat with my cafe ole yesterday and watched to snow fall on the streets I was surrounded by many fellow caffeine addicts but I still felt alone. I've been single for 24 years and you would think by now I would be used to it but my loneliness gnaws at me everyday
I assume that life is figure itself out before long and I apologize if it seems that I am complaining. I always get a little sad around this time of year because valentine's day is looming in the distance. My roommate also just got engaged and while I am overjoyed for her it has made me realize just how alone I feel. When that horrible day in February comes all I will have to keep me company is a bag of dove chocolate and a twinge of hope for the future.
Someday my ship will come in...
It's a Tuesday and I am back in the boundaries of my retail prison. I had a few days off and it was nice to step away from the store and try to regain my sanity. I will let you know when/if that ever happens...
For reasons unknown to me, my hours have been cut. I worked a whopping 20 hrs last week and this week I am scheduled for the same. I guess it was some sort of scheduling error but I'm supposed to be working full time. 20 hours a week sure sounds like part time to me. This, on top of a multitude of other things, has been adding to my frustration with my current situation in life. The "savings" that I have been working hard to maintain is starting to bite the dust because of my new part time position. I'm glad I had something saved because I would be really broke right now if I hadn't. things will be tight but I'm sure I'll make it through the next few weeks.
My boss still continues to irritate me. I was planning a nice trip home on Feb 6-8 but because of her irresponsibility I now have to cut that visit short. She "can't work those hours because she's so busy with other things". What those "other things" are I will never know. I have already informed my co workers that if I don't find a job before hand my last day here will be on April 23. At that time I will be packing up my things and heading back to the borg to, hopefully, find my path once again.
I have managed to think myself into a depression within the last few days. I keep coming up with future plans but I never follow through with them. I'm trying to decide if grad school is the best idea for me. But, what else is there? My degree isn't very useful. One of my biggest fears is that I will just continue hopping from miserable job to miserable job and never be happy with life again. Last year I thought I had all the answers..it's funny to think about that now.
My head is so full of thoughts and concerns that I haven't been able to sleep recently. I stare at my clock until 3 or 4 am and pray that sleep will come. I am a zombie by the time 8 am rolls around but I have to get out of bed anyway. This is no way to live life. I realized yesterday as I was drinking a cup of coffee at my favorite local coffee shop that I spend way too much time by myself. When I am at work, I am alone. When I have days off, I am alone even when have a free evening, I am still alone. When I'm alone all I do is think about what I should be doing with my life or how I should be handling issues that have been brought before me. I think about these things so much that I don't have room for happy thoughts anymore. I really don't like that. As I sat with my cafe ole yesterday and watched to snow fall on the streets I was surrounded by many fellow caffeine addicts but I still felt alone. I've been single for 24 years and you would think by now I would be used to it but my loneliness gnaws at me everyday
I assume that life is figure itself out before long and I apologize if it seems that I am complaining. I always get a little sad around this time of year because valentine's day is looming in the distance. My roommate also just got engaged and while I am overjoyed for her it has made me realize just how alone I feel. When that horrible day in February comes all I will have to keep me company is a bag of dove chocolate and a twinge of hope for the future.
Someday my ship will come in...
Friday, January 16, 2009
Changing for the Better
Happy Friday Sugar Plums,
Once again I'm killing time at work. It's a slow Friday but, then again, every day is slow so I shouldn't be surprised. I know I shouldn't write a blog about my store's financial issues but I'm going to and I'll deal with the consequences if they happen to arise.
I am a little concerned today. The failing economy has definitely taken it's toll on the store and I have a very strong feeling that we will close our doors soon. I can't blame this all on the economy though because my boss can't seem to manage her finances. I was informed yesterday that the guys who put up our sign have not been paid yet. Keep in mind, we have been open for a good 5 months now and this should have been dealt with. The sign guys informed us that they visited the court house before coming to our store and the money will get to them "whether we like it or not". If it were up to me I would have paid them on the spot but I don't have the authority to do so. I am the "manager" of this store but I have no clue what goes on half the time. There are many other people that have not been paid and my boss has chosen to avoid their phone calls, making no attempt whatsoever to pay them in any way. I am angry that I have gotten myself into this situation. I should have trusted my instincts when I took this position but the daydream of this job sucked me in. The daydream is now over and reality is slapping me in the face. I have tried to remain positive about my place of work. I have stood up for my boss when others talked down to her, I have dealt with the bill collectors calling non-stop and I have sat on my ass for too many hours. I'm tired and I need a change.
There is one problem with this "change" though. I'm only going to be in hays for 3 1/2 more months and trying to find a job right now is ridiculous. I've been browsing the classifieds and have found nothing. I feel helpless and I hate that more than I can say. All I want to is to straighten out my life and live comfortably. I want a job that is somewhat rewarding but what I really want to do is go back to school. I'm still trying to get things in line for Stella Adler but this lack of job security has been on my mind and has gotten in the way of what I want. I guess it's silly to have such big dreams when things are so uncertain. I still intend to turn this around and I refuse to let anything stop me.
I'm just stuck. I want to find a job that I can tolerate for another 4 months and then forget about. I am tired of being lied to at this job and I'm sick of how unreliable my boss has become. I'm starting to complain right now so I will stop. I'll keep you posted on what goes on in my life.
Once again I'm killing time at work. It's a slow Friday but, then again, every day is slow so I shouldn't be surprised. I know I shouldn't write a blog about my store's financial issues but I'm going to and I'll deal with the consequences if they happen to arise.
I am a little concerned today. The failing economy has definitely taken it's toll on the store and I have a very strong feeling that we will close our doors soon. I can't blame this all on the economy though because my boss can't seem to manage her finances. I was informed yesterday that the guys who put up our sign have not been paid yet. Keep in mind, we have been open for a good 5 months now and this should have been dealt with. The sign guys informed us that they visited the court house before coming to our store and the money will get to them "whether we like it or not". If it were up to me I would have paid them on the spot but I don't have the authority to do so. I am the "manager" of this store but I have no clue what goes on half the time. There are many other people that have not been paid and my boss has chosen to avoid their phone calls, making no attempt whatsoever to pay them in any way. I am angry that I have gotten myself into this situation. I should have trusted my instincts when I took this position but the daydream of this job sucked me in. The daydream is now over and reality is slapping me in the face. I have tried to remain positive about my place of work. I have stood up for my boss when others talked down to her, I have dealt with the bill collectors calling non-stop and I have sat on my ass for too many hours. I'm tired and I need a change.
There is one problem with this "change" though. I'm only going to be in hays for 3 1/2 more months and trying to find a job right now is ridiculous. I've been browsing the classifieds and have found nothing. I feel helpless and I hate that more than I can say. All I want to is to straighten out my life and live comfortably. I want a job that is somewhat rewarding but what I really want to do is go back to school. I'm still trying to get things in line for Stella Adler but this lack of job security has been on my mind and has gotten in the way of what I want. I guess it's silly to have such big dreams when things are so uncertain. I still intend to turn this around and I refuse to let anything stop me.
I'm just stuck. I want to find a job that I can tolerate for another 4 months and then forget about. I am tired of being lied to at this job and I'm sick of how unreliable my boss has become. I'm starting to complain right now so I will stop. I'll keep you posted on what goes on in my life.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Big Apple, Big Mountains, Big Plans
Good Morning Peaches!
I am, once again, at good ol' Retail Therapy wasting time on the internet because business refuses to pick up. The mall is eerily quiet and I'm getting a touch of cabin fever. I only have 3 1/2 more hours left here. Today is a shorter shift for me because at 3:30 I am going to be shooting a commercial for Nex Tech. One of the representatives called me at the store on Wednesday and asked if I would interested in filming a commercial for their valentine's day promotion. Of course I said yes. I am playing a contestant on a love connection type game show and I fall in love with Lightening Jack (big bunny rabbit that is the nex tech mascot). The overall plot is a little cheesy but I get paid for it so I can't complain very much. I'm excited that I actually get to film a commercial finally. It was a bit of a tease when I was scheduled to film a few months ago and never got the chance. If I end up getting a dvd of it I will try to be technically savy and post the video on this blog. I've never done that before but I'm sure it is rather simple. I'll let you know how everything goes.
My diet continues and I feel good. I've become a veggie and fruit fiend recently and my body feels a lot better. Since my last blog I have lost 4 lbs and I will continue to do so. The pound plunge has started here in Hays and my weekly weigh is on Thursday. I thought that my weekend away would really screw things up but I managed to maintain the weight loss. yay for being healthy!!!
I had a wonderful time in Colorado with the family. It was nice to get away from Hays for awhile and see the mountains. I forgot how absolutely beautiful they are. If I wasn't so hellbent on NYC I would consider moving to Colorado but I don't think that is in the cards for me right now. It's always nice to go visit though and I wish I could travel more often...maybe I'll be able to after I make my millions...
Speaking of the big apple, I am slowly getting my application ready for Stella Adler. I've requested letters of recommendation from 2 of my college professors and should receive them tomorrow after work. I am also going to print off the actual application while I'm galavanting around campus tomorrow. Hopefully my headshots will be scheduled in the near future. I've been pricing professional photographers around town and my mom thinks I might get a better deal in Lindsborg. I will continue to check things out and further the application process. My biggest obstacle should be getting my audition dvd together. I need to find monologues and a dvd recorder and a videographer with some spare time. I am going to make this happen though. I don't like my current situation in life and I am determined to turn things around. oh yeah, an added benefit to Stella Adler is the guest teachers. Apparently, Benecio Del Toro, Olympia Dukakis and Philip Seymour Hoffman all teach at the school from time to time. I may be hitting it off with the stars before you know it! More information will come as my plans progress.
I really feel settled when I think of going back to get my masters. Before I just had plans to move to NYC and find a random job but with another degree I'm sure I will have many more options and it's inevitable that I will be part of a decent network. I hope I get accepted.
My first rehearsal for the opera was on Sunday. I didn't have the whole thing memorized but Dr. P didn't really seem to notice. I was a little worried but things turned out just fine. I have another rehearsal this evening after I get done filming my commercial. It will be a long day but at least it's full of things that actually interest me and I won't be stuck behind this god forsaken counter all day.
With that said I am going to continue my internet browsing and bid you all a warm farewell.
By the way, I want to give a big shout out to my dear sister Lisa for reading my blog because I'm pretty sure no one else does. Love you Deeda!!
I am, once again, at good ol' Retail Therapy wasting time on the internet because business refuses to pick up. The mall is eerily quiet and I'm getting a touch of cabin fever. I only have 3 1/2 more hours left here. Today is a shorter shift for me because at 3:30 I am going to be shooting a commercial for Nex Tech. One of the representatives called me at the store on Wednesday and asked if I would interested in filming a commercial for their valentine's day promotion. Of course I said yes. I am playing a contestant on a love connection type game show and I fall in love with Lightening Jack (big bunny rabbit that is the nex tech mascot). The overall plot is a little cheesy but I get paid for it so I can't complain very much. I'm excited that I actually get to film a commercial finally. It was a bit of a tease when I was scheduled to film a few months ago and never got the chance. If I end up getting a dvd of it I will try to be technically savy and post the video on this blog. I've never done that before but I'm sure it is rather simple. I'll let you know how everything goes.
My diet continues and I feel good. I've become a veggie and fruit fiend recently and my body feels a lot better. Since my last blog I have lost 4 lbs and I will continue to do so. The pound plunge has started here in Hays and my weekly weigh is on Thursday. I thought that my weekend away would really screw things up but I managed to maintain the weight loss. yay for being healthy!!!
I had a wonderful time in Colorado with the family. It was nice to get away from Hays for awhile and see the mountains. I forgot how absolutely beautiful they are. If I wasn't so hellbent on NYC I would consider moving to Colorado but I don't think that is in the cards for me right now. It's always nice to go visit though and I wish I could travel more often...maybe I'll be able to after I make my millions...
Speaking of the big apple, I am slowly getting my application ready for Stella Adler. I've requested letters of recommendation from 2 of my college professors and should receive them tomorrow after work. I am also going to print off the actual application while I'm galavanting around campus tomorrow. Hopefully my headshots will be scheduled in the near future. I've been pricing professional photographers around town and my mom thinks I might get a better deal in Lindsborg. I will continue to check things out and further the application process. My biggest obstacle should be getting my audition dvd together. I need to find monologues and a dvd recorder and a videographer with some spare time. I am going to make this happen though. I don't like my current situation in life and I am determined to turn things around. oh yeah, an added benefit to Stella Adler is the guest teachers. Apparently, Benecio Del Toro, Olympia Dukakis and Philip Seymour Hoffman all teach at the school from time to time. I may be hitting it off with the stars before you know it! More information will come as my plans progress.
I really feel settled when I think of going back to get my masters. Before I just had plans to move to NYC and find a random job but with another degree I'm sure I will have many more options and it's inevitable that I will be part of a decent network. I hope I get accepted.
My first rehearsal for the opera was on Sunday. I didn't have the whole thing memorized but Dr. P didn't really seem to notice. I was a little worried but things turned out just fine. I have another rehearsal this evening after I get done filming my commercial. It will be a long day but at least it's full of things that actually interest me and I won't be stuck behind this god forsaken counter all day.
With that said I am going to continue my internet browsing and bid you all a warm farewell.
By the way, I want to give a big shout out to my dear sister Lisa for reading my blog because I'm pretty sure no one else does. Love you Deeda!!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
2009 will be Stella!!
Well Kittens, it's 2009 and I have a great feeling about this year. 2008 was awesome and I know, deep down that 2009 will be even better. Provided the economy starts to dig itself out of the gaping whole that it is right now. I only say this because I have been sitting at work for a good 2 hrs and have barely sold $100 worth of merchandise. I guess everyone got their fill of retail therapy during the holidays. I must say that the holidays were good to us. It has been a crazy 2 months and I am glad that it's all over. I never thought I would breathe a sigh of relief while taking down a Christmas tree but I let out a few while taking decorations down the other day. I love the holidays but I also like to see them go. The food was great but did a number on my diet. I guess that's why we have New year's resolutions, eh?
I am in much better spirits since I last blogged. I'm not sure if it's the beginning of a new year that has lightened my mood or if it's simply the fact that I've stopped worrying myself into neurosis. Regardless, I am happier...not completely happy but I have getting there slowly. I feel like the quarter life crisis is melting away like the piles of snow that accumulated on the sidewalk downtown. They are still there but are getting smaller each day and before too long they will cease to exist.
Now that business has died down a bit I am starting to focus on myself again. As I said before, I am getting back into a regular gym routine and moderating my chocolate intake. It amazes me how fantastic I feel after a good workout. I love the rush. I am also going to be in the college opera that opens on January 31st. We are performing Richard Faith's "The Little Match Stick Girl". It's a short, modern opera based on an old fairy tale about a young girl who sells matchsticks to make a living. She ends up freezing in the streets and dies of hypothermia (happy times huh) Her grandmother (yours truly) appears as a ghost who takes her up to heaven. I don't have a big role but it will be nice to be onstage again. I'm supposed to have the whole thing memorized by next Friday and I have yet to look at it. I guess I know what I'll be doing this week. I wish I didn't procrastinate as much as I do. It only causes me to worry.
I will have some time to look over the opera next week as I am driving to Colorado. I haven't been out to visit my family in the longest time so I decided that there is no time like the present. It will be good to get out of Hays for awhile and hang out with my dad. Luckily one of my sisters is going with me so I don't have to make the drive all by myself. I'm not a big fan of driving.
Let's see...I am still teaching lessons and loving every minute of it. I added a new student to my studio. He is a 16 yr old boy and needless to say, teaching him has been a learning experience. I normally teach middle school aged girls and each day I'm learning what I need to teach an older boy. I have grown as a teacher but I am still certain that I was meant to perform. I am still taking lessons as well. I haven't had one in 3 weeks but that is because of winter break. They should be starting up before too long and I'm excited. I've discovered something that I am extremely excited about and I want to discuss it with Dr. P.
I was pretty bored at work yesterday so I decided to google "Acting schools NYC". I clicked on a few links and found nothing special. I was about to close out the search when I stumbled upon an interesting website. I found a school called the "Stella Adler studio of acting". I looked around and they offer a 2.5 yr conservatory program that sounds so incredibly awesome. I can't even put into words how amazing it all sounds. The classes focus on a range of different areas dealing with the stage from intensive Shakespeare work to ballet. Everything sounds like exactly what I need to make my dreams come true. After completing the program I will have the equivilent of an MFA (masters of fine arts). The cost is decent too especially for a grad school in NYC. A lot of famous people have graduated from Stella Adler including Selma Hayek, Marlon Brando and Robert De Niro. I don't know if I will be able to make all of this happen but I am going to try my hardest. The deadline for my application is March 15. I have to send in a resume, headshots, 2 letters of recommendation, my application, an audition DVD and a $50 non-refundable application fee. Classes would start in September and I would find it really interesting if they started on my birthday. I have to discuss the topic with Dr. P and my parents but I want to make this happen. wish me luck!
well, I think that's all for now. I'm going to continue being bored at work and hope that the next 3 hrs fly by. I hope that life is treating everyone well!
I am in much better spirits since I last blogged. I'm not sure if it's the beginning of a new year that has lightened my mood or if it's simply the fact that I've stopped worrying myself into neurosis. Regardless, I am happier...not completely happy but I have getting there slowly. I feel like the quarter life crisis is melting away like the piles of snow that accumulated on the sidewalk downtown. They are still there but are getting smaller each day and before too long they will cease to exist.
Now that business has died down a bit I am starting to focus on myself again. As I said before, I am getting back into a regular gym routine and moderating my chocolate intake. It amazes me how fantastic I feel after a good workout. I love the rush. I am also going to be in the college opera that opens on January 31st. We are performing Richard Faith's "The Little Match Stick Girl". It's a short, modern opera based on an old fairy tale about a young girl who sells matchsticks to make a living. She ends up freezing in the streets and dies of hypothermia (happy times huh) Her grandmother (yours truly) appears as a ghost who takes her up to heaven. I don't have a big role but it will be nice to be onstage again. I'm supposed to have the whole thing memorized by next Friday and I have yet to look at it. I guess I know what I'll be doing this week. I wish I didn't procrastinate as much as I do. It only causes me to worry.
I will have some time to look over the opera next week as I am driving to Colorado. I haven't been out to visit my family in the longest time so I decided that there is no time like the present. It will be good to get out of Hays for awhile and hang out with my dad. Luckily one of my sisters is going with me so I don't have to make the drive all by myself. I'm not a big fan of driving.
Let's see...I am still teaching lessons and loving every minute of it. I added a new student to my studio. He is a 16 yr old boy and needless to say, teaching him has been a learning experience. I normally teach middle school aged girls and each day I'm learning what I need to teach an older boy. I have grown as a teacher but I am still certain that I was meant to perform. I am still taking lessons as well. I haven't had one in 3 weeks but that is because of winter break. They should be starting up before too long and I'm excited. I've discovered something that I am extremely excited about and I want to discuss it with Dr. P.
I was pretty bored at work yesterday so I decided to google "Acting schools NYC". I clicked on a few links and found nothing special. I was about to close out the search when I stumbled upon an interesting website. I found a school called the "Stella Adler studio of acting". I looked around and they offer a 2.5 yr conservatory program that sounds so incredibly awesome. I can't even put into words how amazing it all sounds. The classes focus on a range of different areas dealing with the stage from intensive Shakespeare work to ballet. Everything sounds like exactly what I need to make my dreams come true. After completing the program I will have the equivilent of an MFA (masters of fine arts). The cost is decent too especially for a grad school in NYC. A lot of famous people have graduated from Stella Adler including Selma Hayek, Marlon Brando and Robert De Niro. I don't know if I will be able to make all of this happen but I am going to try my hardest. The deadline for my application is March 15. I have to send in a resume, headshots, 2 letters of recommendation, my application, an audition DVD and a $50 non-refundable application fee. Classes would start in September and I would find it really interesting if they started on my birthday. I have to discuss the topic with Dr. P and my parents but I want to make this happen. wish me luck!
well, I think that's all for now. I'm going to continue being bored at work and hope that the next 3 hrs fly by. I hope that life is treating everyone well!
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