Gina

Last year I took a really interesting class called "Sociology of Death and Dying". The whole class focused on how people cope with death and the different things that the body goes through while dying. I enjoyed the class a great deal and it taught me a lot. I learned that the human mind is capable of a lot amazing things such as keeping cancer at a stand still or curing an illness all together. I had never met anyone with such strength until I was blessed to meet Gina.

I know that I complain about my work environment a lot but there is one aspect about working here that I really enjoy. We sell merchandise that supports breast cancer and 20% of those proceeds go to a local breast cancer support group called "The Sisters of Survivorship". A few days after the store opened I was working with my boss one evening when a women walked into the store. She was using a cane, had a hearing aid and no hair. I said my usual hello and she gave me a beautiful smile. Lois looked up from her paperwork and immediately walked to embrace the woman. They had a lengthy conversation full of tears and laughter. This woman, Gina, had been a breast cancer survivor and had recently learned that the cancer had returned and had spread to her lungs, brain and bones. Apparently, the doctors told Gina that she should've died a year ago but she held on. When I met her she had so much passion and was by far one of the strongest women I have ever had the chance to meet. She was so grateful for everything that she had and took nothing for granted. She left the store that day with a smile on her face and that smile is something that I have yet to forget.

Throughout the last few months Gina stopped in to say hello and see how her favorite Retail Therapy ladies were doing. I enjoyed seeing her each time she came into the store. One day she showed up with a picture of her hand saying "I love you" in sign language and a breast cancer ribbon next to it. She gave it to us as a gift. That day was the last day I saw her walking.

Last weekend I helped with the annual "Day of Caring" on the FHSU campus. I had helped with some of the organization and also assisted some of the models that were going to be in the fashion show. Earlier in the morning I sat at a booth and sold out breast cancer merchandise and that is were I saw Gina. She was in a wheelchair and still had that beautiful smile. She looked much weaker than she had before but she was determined to be the best model in the fashion show. Once the show was under way, she couldn't walk down the "runway" but she stood up in her wheelchair and received a thunderous applause. I like to think that she was on top of the world that day. Unfortunatly, that would be the last time that our paths would ever cross.

I was informed yesterday that Gina died late Saturday night. The cancer had decided that it was her time to leave. A part of me likes to think that she held on just so that she could be a model in the fashion show. Once the show was over she knew that it was ok to go. Her mother stopped in the store earlier today to pay for the shirt that Gina wore. I told her not to worry about paying for anything. Gina's mom gave me a sweet look and I could tell that she was holding back a few tears. She told me that up until the last moment of her life, Gina was ranting and raving aboout the girls at Retail Therapy and how she loved all of them. Her mom also said that the day of the fashion show was one of the greatest of Gina's life.

I often wonder what Gina was like before the cancer hit. She had the ability to have a huge impact on my life in the 3 months that I had known her. I only wish that I could've gotten to know her sooner. Gina is a prime example of a "good death" as my sociology teacher called it. She accepted her fate and truly began living once she was diagnosed. Her story reminds me of the book "Tuesdays with Morrie". She shared many charateristics with Morrie and both had such a passion for life. I can only hope that I would be able to cope with death as well as they did.

Losing loved ones is the hardest aspect of living. We don't know where or when it will happen. All we know is that death will indeed happen. It is days like today when I am inspired to live my life to the fullest with no regrets and cherish those around me with every passing moment. I wish there was a way to tell Gina that she had such an impact on my life but I think that she is looking down on all of us and she knows how much we cared. I'm sure she is an angel now and still has that beautiful smile spread across her face.

Rest in Peace Gina, you will be missed.

Letting Go

It's another slow day at the store so I felt the need to blog. I don't really have any updates but I need something to do to pass the time. I apologize if this blog is a bit scattered. I have a million thoughts going through my head right now.

I am currently suffering from a very bad stomach that has been bothering me for the last hour or so. We recently got gourmet chocolate at work and I ate a bit too much. I have the worst sweet tooth in the world and I wish that I didn't. It sucks to maintain a healthy diet when chocolate is all that I think about. I like being healthy but I really hate dieting. It's such a pain and there are days when I think I look like an ogre or something. I realize that this is not the case and I'm much better off now than I was 30 lbs ago but the bottom line is that weight loss sucks...end of story. It takes a strong person to lose weight and keep it off. I just hope that I'm strong enough to do so. What I am I saying? I am strong enough :)

I went to the first college choir concert of the year last night. It was good but I felt really strange just sitting in the audience instead of being onstage with everyone. I actually got a little teary eyed when the choir took the stage. I'm not sure why but I'm having the hardest time letting go of my college life. I have been a student of some sort ever since I was 5 yrs old and now, 19 yrs later, I'm just an adult. Overall, college was the best experience I've ever had. It turned me into the opinionated, head strong woman that I am today and I owe a lot of that to the people that have come and gone in my life. I remember graduating high school and thinking that my world was over. My entire freshman year of college was spent in a state of confusion as to if I should stay or move back home. God only knows where I would be if wouldn't have stayed in college. I have truly been blessed in my 24 years of existence and I hope that more amazing memories are waiting for me in future. All I can do is hope...

I recently watched a fantastic movie called "August Rush". I recommend it to anyone who has an interest in music of any kind. My wonderful roommate bought me the soundtrack today and I haven't been able to stop listening to it. The whole movie is wonderful and very inspiring. Overall, it's a good flick. Check it out.

well, there is not much more that I can say right now. Nothing too interesting is happening and I fear that I will ramble even more if I continue this blog. Have a great weekend! I'm not sure who I'm talking to by saying that but have a great one anyway!

And So It Goes...

Bill stopped by the store on Friday to let me know that the commercials were a "no go". Apparently Nex Tech decided to take a completely different route for their holiday promotion and that route didn't involve me. I was a little bummed but I guess my 15 minutes of fame will come at another time. Thinking about it, I would like to have much more than simply 15 minutes. I told Bill to let me know if any other opportunities pop up and he said that he would be sure to give me a call.

In other news, we had our grand opening at the store on Friday. I spent many hours cleaning and preparing food for the public to enjoy. A lot of the chamber members showed up and that surprised me a little. We had decent business that day and I got paid on time with no drama whatsoever. Overall, it was a good day.

I went home last weekend and hung out with my Lindsborg family for awhile. My sister helped me complete my not so impressive resume. I guess I couldn't expect a lot being fresh out of college but I'm beginning to wonder if I did anything useful. I'm going to tweek the resume a little and email it to a few friends to get some feedback and then it is off into the great blackhole that we call the real world.

Other than work, there is not much going on in my life. I'm still teaching lessons and taking lessons and both have been going well. The girls that I teach are so funny sometimes and they make life a little less stressful.

I think that is all for now. I'm going to make the most of the rest of my shift at work and dream of other jobs that actually challenge me. Cheers!

A Face for TV

An interesting opportunity has been presented to me and I'm rather excited about it. A theater friend of mine, Bill, works for a local telephone/cable/internet company and wants me to be featured in two different commercials. These commercials aren't anything huge but I will be on tv in the Hays area and I get paid. This is my first paying "gig" and I'm really excited about it. In the first commercial, I play Bill's wife. This sort of thing comes pretty natural to me because Bill and I have played opposite each other through the majority of my college career. In the second commercial I play a mother who takes her daughter out to a Christmas tree farm. This probably won't come as naturally to me because I'm not exactly the "mother" type. My idea of having children is getting a dog when I move into a bigger place. Overall, the experience will be a good one and a great addition to my performance resume.

Work has gotten better. My last paycheck came on time with very little drama and that made me very happy. I started setting back a little bit of money from each paycheck so I can save up for the big move that I'm intending to make. I still haven't figured out where that will be but as soon as I do I will let you all know. My friend, Chris, has a few connections with some theaters in DC and he has done some research for me. Before long I'm going to post a resume and see what is out there. As of right now, I still intend to move to my mom's house once my lease is up in April and make a bigger move in August of next year. I want a relaxing summer with my family and it will also be a good way to save some more money. I still have faith that my questions will be answered before too long but I'm getting a little impatient.

I've started teaching vocal/acting lessons to two wonderful little girls that have been in the community theater with me for a few years. We started two days ago and I have a feeling that they will be a joy to work with. Both of them have huge personalities and their mother is a fantastic lady. I'm really happy that I am getting the opportunity to teach again because it makes me feel like I have a purpose and also makes my hours behind the cash register a little less mind numbing.

The weather has started to change and with it has come a sense of renewal. Fall is by far my favorite season. I love the smells, the chilly weather and the overall spirit of the season. Right now all I want to do is curl up in a blanket with a cup of hot cider and watch a movie or read a book. I fear that I can't do that right now but it's always nice to daydream